By Tarzana Joe


To comment on the week that was
Now, where shall I begin?
I know no one should cast a stone
Unless they’re free from sin

And from that admonition
I’m aware I’m not exempted
Most poets roam the streets at night
Just hoping to be tempted

And though I’ve not faced forces
That this scandal can compare to
I fully can appreciate
The weakness flesh is heir to

I ask you as I ask myself
As I’d ask my confessor
Could I resist a comely lass
Who whispered, “Oh, Professor!”?

I try to build my self-control
With techniques you should try-out
And do just what the Good Book says
That is, save, pluck my eye out

And yet I fear if some young thing
Applauds my turn of phrase
I’d swallow voluntarily
The poison pill of praise

And so it is with most of us
The small ones and the great
And though I am no general
I think I can relate

The question that I want to ask
Concerns no sin or crime
I simply want to understand
Where did they find the time?

I don’t do any spying
I’m not running any war
But I can’t find the time to match
The socks down in my drawer

And while I’d like to keep in touch
With several lovely females
I’d need a year with 13 months
To send ten thousand e-mails

But if I had one stone to throw
I’d tell the fellow, please
Spend less time at attention
And a little more at ease.



Tarzana Joe, the poet laureate of the Hugh Hewitt Radio Show, can be heard on air in the 3rd hour of the broadcast on most Fridays. His wonderful poetry can be found at

Reprint with permission by Tarzana Joe, who can be contacted to pen the perfect poem for any occasion at …see the linked form.