By Tarzana Joe



Just about the time Joe Flacco’s touchdown pass was thrown

My focus was distracted by the ringing of the phone


I said, “Please hold the wire,” but the voice would brook no stalling

“Hello,” he said, “The National Republicans are calling.”


I turned back to the game because I didn’t want to miss it.

What genius at the RNC chose this time to solicit?


I told him that his timing could have used a little tweaking

It didn’t seem to matter ‘cause the guy went right on speaking


I didn’t want to holler and I didn’t mean to scold him

This “expletive deleted” is precisely what I told him


I live in California where the call of fortune’s taken me

So tell me why my party has entirely forsaken me?


Abandoning the Golden State—there’s nothing that’s insaner…

I told him that I’d like to have a word with Mr. Boehner


I told him if they needed help I’d send them both a map

He said he’d wake the Speaker who was busy with his nap


A Speaker should be speaking which I wanted to remind him…

The guy picked up the line and sadly said he couldn’t find him.


The Leadership I want leads from the front—like Dolly Parton

They shouldn’t be missing persons on the side of some milk carton


I want to stay Republican…but if I had my druthers

I’d like to have the Party managed by the Harbaugh brothers.



Tarzana Joe, the poet laureate of the Hugh Hewitt Radio Show, can be heard on air in the 3rd hour of the broadcast on most Fridays. His wonderful poetry can be found at


Please see his new site

Reprint with permission by Tarzana Joe, who can be contacted to pen the perfect poem for any occasion at …see the linked form.