By Tarzana Joe



In times like these

Before you sneeze

The media goes looking

For gals and guys

Cuts victimize

And that’s who Maddow’s booking


Like average Joes

I’ve watched these shows

Those broadcast and those buffered

Awaiting scads

Of Moms and Dads

Who, all this week, have suffered


The long parades

Of teachers’ aides

Afraid of being furloughed

The countryscapes

Or rotting grapes

That never will be Merlot-ed


The crises feared

Have not appeared

I guess we must have licked ‘em

Except for prides

Of White House Guides

Am I the only victim?


My lips are blue

My tongue is too

My sinuses congested

And hungry bugs 

Attacked my rugs

My base boards are infested


They’ve slowed the courts

They’ve starched my shorts

There’s no gas for my mower

And chances are

I won’t fly far

My sinkhole’s sinking lower


I like my fork

In roasted pork

If budget cuts get bigger

They’ll be no swine

I’ll have to dine

On Mr. Ed and Trigger


To paraphrase

Judge Stewart’s phrase

You’ll know one when you see one

I’ve never stood 

For Victimhood

But I guess I must be one


My vision’s vague

I’ve caught the plague

My boils all are festering

My back is out

I’ve got the gout

All thanks to the sequestering



Tarzana Joe, the poet laureate of the Hugh Hewitt Radio Show, can be heard on air in the 3rd hour of the broadcast on most Fridays. His wonderful poetry can be found at


Please see his new site

Reprint with permission by Tarzana Joe, who can be contacted to pen the perfect poem for any occasion at …see the linked form.