By Tarzana Joe



I don’t know how to use my phone
I still can’t tie my shoes
I can’t tell vintage chardonnay
From rot-gut bathtub booze

And though in rhyme and reasoning
I think myself well-versed
I never really understood
What’s up in “Who’s on first?”

I tried to be a scholar
My effort was intense
But all I know of Ivy
Is the kudzu on my fence

My friends equate my intellect
With that of a crustacean
But I could do a better job
Of writing legislation

You could take some hula hoops
And toss them in a mob
The people that they landed on
Could do a better job

How much perspicacity
Must one of us acquire
To pass what never takes effect
And taxes that expire?

I just can’t shake the feeling
That the nation has been had
I once was disappointed
But I think I’m getting mad

I want to do my duty
For this country that I love
In conscience, I can’t cast my vote
For “none of the above”

I know there’s some solution
Past postponing and delaying
Until some genius find it
We should all consider praying



Tarzana Joe, the poet laureate of the Hugh Hewitt Radio Show, can be heard on air in the 3rd hour of the broadcast on most Fridays. His wonderful poetry can be found at

Reprint with permission by Tarzana Joe, who can be contacted to pen the perfect poem for any occasion at …see the linked form.