by Tarzana Joe



These campaign controversies
Have become so sad and silly it’s
Time to send a memo out
To all of our affiliates

We’ve seen the lastest ratings
Those we’d norm’ly be ignoring
They tell us that the public’s
Finding this election boring

And based on polling data
That the White House has provided
The outcome for November
Has been, more or less, decided

Our pollster asked 10 Democrats
The person they support. He
Added up the totals and
It came out 60/40

With limited resources
The task our network faces
Is determining what news is
On a scientific basis

There’s nothing here to look at
This isn’t “man bites Rover”
We’re taking the position that
The thing’s already over.

So get some shiny dresses
And get pretty girls to wear them
Cause when they start debating
Well, I don’t believe we’ll air them

Don’t worry we’ll lose numbers
Calm yourselves and rest your fears
The LA Times has done this
For about 100 years

I think this kind of censorship’s
What current trends could presage
Remember loyal listeners
The media has the message


Tarzana Joe, the poet laureate of the Hugh Hewitt Radio Show, can be heard on air in the 3rd hour of the broadcast on most Fridays. His wonderful poetry can be found at

Reprint with permission by Tarzana Joe, who can be contacted to pen the perfect poem for any occasion at …see the linked form.