When in the course of humanist events it becomes desirable for most people to eschew the personal bonds which have connected them with each other, and to assume that the powers of the earth owe them a separate and equal portion to which the laws of nature …entitle them, a disdainful disregard toward the experience of mankind requires that we should demagogue the rationalizations which impel us to this decimation.

We declare these talking-points to be politically correct – that some groups should be considered more equal than others; that they should be endowed by their government with a fair portion of entitlements; that among these are health-care, food stamps, and government-secured home loans.

That whenever any form of government tries to reduce these benefits, it is the right of the 99% to occupy their property and to become destructive to their end.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established cannot be changed overtly; and indeed, all experience hath shown that the insufferable are more disposed to cling to guns and religion, than to give up life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

But, when a long train of right-wing web blogs, pursuing invariably the same objectives, evinces a design to return us to the 18th Century, it is our right, it is our duty, to do whatever it takes to throw off such government and to create new restrictions on  them for our future security.

Such has been the impatient whining of us communists. And such is now the opportunity which allows us to alter our current systems of government.

We, therefore, the working groups living in our parents basements, do, in the name and by the authority of the SEIU, PAW and the CPUSA, Solendrically publish and propagandize, that members of these united NGOs are and of right ought to be, free and independent public interests; with full power to declare war, declare peace, declare alliances, control commerce, and to do pretty much whatever else we damn well please, which everyone else hereby may not of right do.

And in support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Obama’s DOJ, we mutually pledge to each other your lives, your fortunes and your sacred honor.